Heart has its reason which reason knows nothing of

I remember reading a book Wuthering Heights, a very famous one and the only one written by the author, Emily Jane Brontë, where the female protagonist chooses to marry one of her childhood acquaintance over her love Heathcliff. That, one can ditch love, and marry a person for his wealth and position, and then justify her action saying she wanted to bring Heathcliff out of his misery by helping him seemed too feeble a cause that warranted such a choice. I also ignored many of the dialogues the protagonist says to also show her love for Heathcliff. But today, having seen the world for a good many days more, I feel I must have had a wrong perception.
A person's action is defined by querying the action with where, when, how or even better still as a coordinate in the complicated plane of time and on many more such abstract dimentions. A simple fact that I have been writing this piece of essay in the lines of my present thoughts depends on so many different factors. To elaborate: let me talk about Mother Teresa, who chose to work for poor people in Kolkata and not in Albania, her place of Birth. It could be a more reason defying and a more heart-felt decision on her part and would have been a more plausable introduction to my discussion. To reason it out why I chose to write about Wuthering Heights and not about Mother Teressa, I can say plainly it was emotionaly induced, heart-felt decision which I cannot reason with now. It was a state of my mind where it seemed most logical to have started with the introduction I had started with.
Maybe, down the line, when I am a bit more wise, I would look back at my essay and realise that I lacked any reason why I started off the way I did. My wisdom and my state of mind will then determine whether I had been logical or just another person guided by my heart. And hence the saying Heart has its reason which reason knows nothing of.

Man proposes, God disposes

And God said, Let there be light: and there was light- Truly one of the most fascinating statement from the Bible. Hardly was such a saying ever said that makes one wonder the power God has.
Imagine you were God; you wish there was no summer but eternal spring and there is eternal spring, you wish for a snowfall and there would be snow, you wish for singing on the stage holding thousands spellbound and you could do it, you wish that Sundays extend well over 24 hours... now, i dont know what that would take to achieve... well it is just a story isn't it? Nevertheless, lets stick to more practical things: you would wish for a big room with a king size bed and a stereo player playing all the favourite tunes and voila! it was all there [:p], wish that your project lead stops being all too curious why you keep aloof and the next thing you know he is all too professional to even greet you... [:p].
But strange are the ways of God. He grants the simplest of half-wishes and sits back to watch the comedy of errors. For example,
1. He could grant your wish for a small favour you could extend to someone special (only half the wish). Then make sure that the favour is useless(the other half of the wish). You rejoice at your clever thinking and presence-of-mind only to be crestfallen later to learn about the disaster; a small spec of sand could ruin your wish!
Or better still:
2. Make you wait for a dreadful moment of truth/denial during a late night conversation and then leave you wondering at it, still clueless, but with a taste of vague certainty and that uncomfortable feeling of a lull before the storm. Humans are ever so imaginative, they turn facts into things the want to believe, they dont respond to clues but to hard facts!

Picking up on the thread of the topic again: when God has that choice God can make or break, the choice to be or not to be, the choice to give away or to take... I cannot but be wish for a favourable outcome, even when the chips are odd... For when a man proposes it is the God who disposes.

Being Clueless...

Sunset through a rear view mirror, originally uploaded by suprio.

My worst fears are realised. Obtrusive as I have been in my show of affection, it has yeided a very dispassionate response. It seems that I might have as well made a fool of myself for no reason. I have been careful to keep my cool and wane slowly away. As expected there were no concerned questions not a single hint of loss or uncertainty nor even a perception of this sudden loss of apathy, only pointless good mornings and customatory exchanges of greetings. I wonder where I might have gone wrong. I am truely clueless. If only someone had a clew to guide me into the unknown... However, I now have a clue to the discovery of the term clue... and I guess I will only have to be satisfied with this knowledge.

Discovery of the word Clue: (Clew)
"Since ancient Greek legends were passed down through oral tradition, many variations of the story of Minos and Theseus and other myths exist. According to one version of the legend, Minos attacked Athens after his son was killed there. The Athenians asked for terms, and were required to sacrifice seven young men and seven maidens every nine years to the Minotaur. One year, the sacrificial party included Theseus, a young man who volunteered to come and kill the Minotaur. Ariadne fell in love at first sight, and helped him by giving him a sword and a ball of red fleece thread that she was spinning, so that he could find his way out of the Minotaur's labyrinth." - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ariadne

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Nb: I am still clueless 21:03 08-01-2009

Making Proposals Part II - Nearing 30

Rings of light, originally uploaded by suprio.

Approaching 30 is like a lifetime achievement and I am not liking it... not at all... seems I have had spent almost the half of my life in "fruit"-less, unimaginative pursuits.

When you are young, you often have the vision of greatness, of doing something purposeful and noble, achieving success... where has all that gone now? I realise with growing disappointment that this situation is not going to change very dramatically and that most of the things I have achieved till date seems pointless in the long run. Perhaps I am doing a Kafka and all his famous existentialism stuff have overwhelmed me. Then again I realise that this feeling is not original and I have had this since my early days... only then, this ideal seemed too absurd to be true. Every time I had this feeling, it has thankfully passed, leaving me in a state of indecisiveness; but every time it had come back again I have been rocked more intensely and the recovery from it seems to be taking longer and longer...

Several of my close friends and confidants, who somehow understand me attributes this growing despair to the fact that I have been too casual about any serious relations that tend to be tying-down. According to them I needed a cool headed companion who could bring some sort of rule into my life, but I disagree. I disagree in spite of the fact that since my article on Proposal Making, the very basis for a good steady affair, I have not had much success. That does not mean that my article was not a masterpiece... just that I have had a rough patch since then... it happens to most people you see... and to be in an affair you need the right person. Until very recently, I had been searching...

Just when it seemed that I might be making some headway, into the ever illusive affair, I am now not sure whether it would be such a good idea to take a plunge again and come out only wet with disappointment. I mean to say, that even if I think that the affair is just gathering momentum, all my previous brushes with this phenomenon hardly is any help in providing any ideas about where I am headed. I could be absolutely wrong in assuming that I have cleverly have conveyed my linking for the individual to this individual, but then again the thick or subtle gestures might have conveyed a completely benign message. I guess i will have to know somehow..but how?

This is the third try and I already like it

This is the third try and I already like it, originally uploaded by suprio.

My tryst with 3d photography:
tutorial:
http://www.lhup.edu/~dsimanek/3D/view3d.htm

Memory drops

droplet4, originally uploaded by jun_madayag2002.

As the day of my return approach, I feel I have been here for ever. The people back home who await my return fill me with a sense of joy and longing. Oh, it has been quite some time now that I have been oblivious of the daily hassles of life in Kolkata missing the touch of the near and dear ones. Arriving here sometime 2 years back on a bright sunny and colder-than-it-looked day and finding myself in a sea of unknown people with nothing more than a telephone number and a partial address I was horrified at the prospect of making my own way through this unknown country to Bristol. Everything looked impossible. But as someone I know well so aptly put it:

When you have come to the edge
Of all the light you know
And are about to step off
Into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing that
One of two things will happen:
There will be something solid to stand on
Or you will be taught how to fly.

I set about on the faith that I would be taught to fly. I was not mistaken.

Looking back now, I realise with a sense of nostalgia, I was so keen to have come to this country to see a new way of life that I almost did not take my eyes off the streets I passed in a cab, trying to engage in a social conversation with the Iraqi cab driver. Everything was so different. Streets were so quiet. Nobody seemed to honk. Houses looked so different. I was instantly in admiration for the country I was in, United Kingdom. Life is so easy here it looked.

I was fortunate enough to have worked with a group of people who were very different from each other and had provided me with so many opportunities for learning. It was only the other day that I had met them for the first time and it seems it is strange to be planning a return back without the hope of seeing some of them ever again. Some I will miss, some I will not but the whole idea of going back is now an uncharted territory. This whole mindset made me discover a very disturbing fact about me: I tend to hesitate to make a choice when they are equally balanced, somewhat like my favourite poem 'The road not taken'.

Doomsday?Or a Crimson tide?

Doomsday?Or a Crimson tide?, originally uploaded by suprio.

I amaze myself in some ways... Never very tactful and yet very much so... never very thoughtful but that is not entirely true... never serious but always talking from my heart in a friendly careless way... always disconnected from everything around me (no I am no hermit)...I must have been having this thought for some time now, trying to gauge what someone else would think of me... A strange person, seemingly well intentioned but you can never be sure? I have no answers.
It is all too cloudy to think, too complicated to be resolved in an instant... give it some time and surely something could be untangled.
needs revisiting :-)