"hi,
kemon aacho?asha kori bhalo.tumi aamake kemon
bhalobasho bujhte perechi.u re not at all serious abt
me,nahole aamar ekta khobor na niye etodin thakte
parte na."
I stopped on this mail for a moment while clearing out the junk folder today. The sender was none other than the person who once doubted my integrity and severed all ties. Funny that she could mail again and try and rekindle a flame which does not even have a wick to burn on. But it was a moment of triumph... or was it triumph no, but a bit more subtle... a feeling of a spent hope with some splash of nostalgia and bit of feel-good. It was like being acquitted of being blamed of something horrible... Like the feeling that comes to someone who reads the daily newspapers and gets a feeling of "I am not that bad after all....with events like these happening all round I am pretty well off."
I felt a sudden urge to call up that person and plead for this to be over... for good or for bad... but, then again I pause, let her hang in an uncertainty... There is a satisfaction of not replying at all...."Boobar shotru nei..."
Addendum:
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Mailing has now picked up some regularity and things dont seem all that messed up now... But I guess it all boils down to the same old poem 'The road not taken' where it says:
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
I did really take the road less travelled by and have initiated a friendly banter which I have not regretted till date... I am not looking to renew the trust that was broken but I am merely giving a space for the other person to breathe. It is not affecting me or taking my time but it is for the greater good and for making one less discontent person... so why not?
7 comments:
no wonder you pondered over calling/mailing her back. you know when the zippo wick gets burnt out and you just love your lighter..... you take a pair of forceps to pull the wick out as much as possible, dont you? surely you'd say you'd rather buy 10 new lighters, but hey, i am talking about a zippo - not just any lighter.
i think you have fallen for the bait - it will now haunt your mind everyday. there will be this certain uneasiness about you everytime you think about the junk mail, your blog or even this comment. maybe........well, maybe....
I might have lot to say but yet nothing at all, as I do not want to take the bull by the horn.. whens its not charging at me.
To keep it simple i would quote Oscar wilde yet again: " Mistakes are there all ready to be made my friend, its just the beginning "
That was a great quote... and not the least significant, for I am looking at the edge where either side is unsafe... Just a small uncertainty and I might fall off.
I wish I knew what was the thinking that had gone behind the comment... was it a dismissal? or was it encouragement? was it screaming for me to make a mistake or was it a warning? I guess I will never know. Unless, Unless of course the big yawn decides to mumble some words out ... not that it would be intelligible through the yawn but at least phonetics would point me to some direction?
quite simple to put it This way, U have made a mistake.. and many more will soon follow, this.. But then again to err is human
Thee mistake by the way is not . not replying back.. its just keeping the thought lingering enough to blog of it.. and soon the mistake that would follow will be you replying back
Hehe...
Frankly speaking... I blogged on a thought that was never lingering... I had blogged to bring out a moment when I felt what I had spoken about...
And to put it simply... Mistakes are there all ready to be made my friend, the beginning has already been made...
Now let's not be ambiguous... for you have said replying would be a mistake and not replying would be a mistake.... Well I had already replied when I wrote the blog... and hence the equation is a bit different now...
what I gather from the two posts you have made:
To have lingered over the thought about replying was a mistake.... and to reply after having lingered over the thought for some many days would be another mistake??
Yeah, you are doing the right thing. Time always heals wounds. I don't know how you feel about her, but atleast if you can get back to being friends, or atleast be on cordial terms, you'll feel much better at heart. I also believe that once you love somebody, you can never fall "out" of love. The intensity may fade, but love remains.....
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