It is so strange that you never seem to forget the places you have spent some of the best times of your life. I studied in a school that did not have its own building. The school was housed in a rented building and was almost too small for all the students. I still remember the packed classrooms and the general din of the voices like a huge bee in its flight. We then moved into our very own school building in Joka when I was in class 7. I have wondered so many a times about how my school would look today after almost 13 years.
Everything seems changed when you visit after a long time and it is inexplicable how you feel about the place. A strange longing for the past mixed with the images that once seemed so life size, makes you nostalgic. I remember I visited the old school building once on my way to a friend's place and memories of my schooldays flooded back. I was amazed to see the pine tree that made a good hiding place during the recess hours' play of hide and seek. The beatlenut trees that lined the boundary walls made me think of the days when a ripe beatle nut from one of those trees would have been a prized possesion, for it made up a good subtitute for a cricket ball! We played with wooden rulers, brandishing them as bats.... Oh! what days they were...
But somehow the dimensions of the building seemed too small for the world we had seen inside it. It felt kind of strange. The building looked small, the colours have faded and many more buildings have come up around the school where we used to have our games class. The vegetation seemed to have changed too. I get these feelings and abstract thoughts every time I went back to some place that held some pleasant memories for me. A sort of alienation and a non-belong-ness keeps lurking in the thoughts as if to say you will no longer get those days back.
I am not sure if I am being very clear about what I really wanted to say but I am sure something like this happens to everyone. You think of the old times and almost before you realize you would be smiling.
I had stopped on my way and entered the old school building only to realize that the school is there no more. The occupants of the house eyed me with grave suspicion when I found it hard to explain what I was doing there inside the building compound standing beside the tube well that used to supply the whole school with cool drinking water, deep in thought. But eventually they must have realized that nothing was missing and they let me go. They even smiled when I told them the history of the tube well and how essential it was for us when we came back from a 6 a side football game during the monsoon
4 comments:
when you keep getting glimpses of forgotten happy days, persons, things and places, it is a good indication you are growing old. before long you will get married and think about your bachelor days, and in a few more years you will become a dad, have a mid-life crisis, maybe an affair with another woman much younger than your wife - who by then would have been mother of two. you would then start returning home from office with a bag of veggies and a pint in your pocket, get drunk a bit - a lot for your age, watch some telly, eat dinner, tuck the kids in after reprimanding them for their lax in studies, argue with your wife about the home budget and grudgingly go to bed declaring its an unfair life. eventually you will die and rest in peace.
whats the point with all the fond memories then, i wonder - apart from they making you believe you had a better life before and it just gets worse with age. older times, older generation, older schools and society in general - everything old seems to be better than the present. we suck at the present at the pretext of a long lived past, and spoil our future.....
....contd
@ihatetito
I really did not mean to say all these but yes a viewpoint like this could make the writing an interesting one.
I only intented to bring out the feeling of alienation that you might feel when you go back to the places and people you loved and cherished. Feel how they the place or the people have changed (not into whether for good or for worse but the change itself) and how you might have to change yourself to adjust.
Why fight to be a rebel with something that you cannot fight? Time? Your antics and activities to save it have earned my respect... but why fight the memories? My friend why are you so cruel to your memories??
thats why i had said continued.....i knew this question was coming.
memories to me, to be very honest, are just facts that happened in the past. it doesnt have any emotions attached to it. the way i see it is thus - memories interlaced with emotions are a big cause of weakness. it keeps reminding you of things that were and could have been and thus affect your present state of mind. if you consider a memory as a mere fact, then its less stressful, albeit less cherishing. "there lies the tree from my school days, we used to play ringa ringa roses around it...." immediately transports you into time with happy emotions. but that is soon overshadowed by a few more - how the girl who used to jump around the tree with had since ditched you big time - how those fond days can never be relived, and so on. its like a burst of happiness followed by a rapidfire of woes. thats the same feeling we get under influeance of psychotropic drugs, isnt it? or maybe alcohol - a night of fun follwed by a whole day of headache! but still we do drink, you'd say.... in this miserable life it is worth adding misery if you gain a moment's pleasure.
but in my case i have ruled this out - only memories - as they always remain, but no emotions attached to it - makes life simpler for me :)
questions, comments, concerns?
humm..
very interesting but you still like to write about your past and name them three trucks of Nostalgia?
Why do you keep coming back home? Is that not because you feel emotionally attached to your home and the people hitherto? What are memories? is it not a cumulitive product of your Emotions? Emotions are the only reason why you remember something. You would probably not remember what food you had on the day after your 27th birthday... as it was a routine and has no emotions attached to it. You remember something from your past because it has some relevace to your emotions.
It is easy to say what you could be but to be what you want to be is always a hurdle. A never ending loop which will bring you back to the same point you started from.
Not being argumentative but do give it some thought.
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