10:27 AM
Made a call at 9:15 in the morning to hear the song of awekening. It sounded so cozy and so endearing and I almost felt warm and happy. Waiting anxiously to continue what I have set in motion long back...
2:15 PM
I made another call and this time the world darkened. As if time had conspired and as if my best friend died. I could barely succeed in keeping from choking over the knot in my chest and my breathing was uneven. (Thank heavens it was over the phone for boys dont cry do they?). I could not believe I was actually feeling a bit good about the episode in a very strange way... It was acting... and I felt God to that act... I was deep within torn between a wish to howl out in pain but there was this civilised me... telling me to be sober and to wish all the best... It was a very disturbing moment... a moment I could have casually avoided with a simple question long back... but how was I to know... you dont know till you ask.... how much you are worth. When you dont say anything it means you havent said anything! and I could bet my right hand that there was no commitment anywhere or between anyone... yet the try to develop something out of thin air was refreshing... I wished all the best with a Rock in my pocket... I will throw it at my luck in leisure.
4:31 PM
The shadow was lifted. All along this span My Earth was in the umbra of the Moon. The Celestrial transpiration to align themselves in line for the importance of the day in my life... spooky! but I just learnt and thought I'd document.
Today My Earth witnessed an eclipse of the Sun. Albeit Partial.
Monday, 26 January 2009
Friday, 23 January 2009
Anti-ageing
Raja stared at the haze, the morning coffee steaming in the small porcellean mug that he held to his lips, the morning was yet to begin and the fog yet to dissipate. Presently he looked over his shoulders to witness a colleague light up a ciggerette in the officially "No Smoking" zone and looked back over the lake that was barely a trace in the shifting fog. He thought about the things that has been keeping him aloof and bothered. Something about this fog also bothered him. Actually everything with a bit of intrigue or uncertainty nags Raja. His thoughts were interrupted:
The colleague called out... 'Mr Chatterjee would you like a fag?'
'No thanks! I've been trying to quit you see' Raja said politely and clenched his left fist in his pocket. It is difficult quitting a habit like smoking... but he will try... will he not? It will stop his ageing...says the medical Journal he read somehere.
It was very warm the night before and he had tossed and turned on his bed till 3. The climate was one reason alright but there was something else too. He had thought about the incident that night and wondered if he had been correct. Did he hear clearly? was the person the other end of the line calling him by his name? "Raja".. yet he felt as if it could not have been true... He did not for some reason believe that it was just the name and not "Mr. Chatterjee" as Nupur is used to calling him. That means nothing... He must have been mistaken... she called him Mr. Chatterjee alright... Nobody calls him by my name as he wished they would... he was always Mr. Chatterjee to everyone in office and in para and everywhere... why did he have to be born with that limp and why was he so ugly... he looked 40 and in reality he is only 28... okay 29 then ... no more...
He was happy and very merry in the most infantile way after the conversation which was primarily regarding shifts and Rotas but the note in which it started... 'Rajaaaa... Hello, yes,... this is about the Rota...' it kind of knocked out the words from Raja... he was not that old after all... maybe the turmeric and rosemary paste is helping... What was said in the conversation he did not remember... he had approved of all that was asked and put the phone down in a haze...
He had looked at himself in the mirror and admired the unruly hair that hung about him, gave it a run with his fingers and posed like the bond! Bang! phooooh... he blew the imaginary smoke off the barrel of the imaginary pistol he had made with his index and middle finger... and gave a spin... God! what about tomorrow's shift?!!! Raja was not even sure if he was to go in tomorrow... he wished he would call back Nupur and try and speak about the shifts once again but thought otherwise... maybe this time she will call me 'Mr Chatterjee'... let it be let me bask in the short stint of glory and youth.
His thoughts were interrupted again... Nupur had just joined him on the table at the cafeteria she was with Sangitha Nair... a south Indian Brahmin very talkative and friendly in a good natured way...
'Morning Mr Chatterjee' Sangitha called out over the Vada mouthful...
Raja Hung onto his seat
Nupur was on a phone and was about to hang up ... 'Ok cahlo bye and take care... yes baba will speak soon' She hung up, sipped the steaming mug, turned...
'Good Morning MR CHATTERJEE'
The Sun was finally shining through the fog.
The colleague called out... 'Mr Chatterjee would you like a fag?'
'No thanks! I've been trying to quit you see' Raja said politely and clenched his left fist in his pocket. It is difficult quitting a habit like smoking... but he will try... will he not? It will stop his ageing...says the medical Journal he read somehere.
It was very warm the night before and he had tossed and turned on his bed till 3. The climate was one reason alright but there was something else too. He had thought about the incident that night and wondered if he had been correct. Did he hear clearly? was the person the other end of the line calling him by his name? "Raja".. yet he felt as if it could not have been true... He did not for some reason believe that it was just the name and not "Mr. Chatterjee" as Nupur is used to calling him. That means nothing... He must have been mistaken... she called him Mr. Chatterjee alright... Nobody calls him by my name as he wished they would... he was always Mr. Chatterjee to everyone in office and in para and everywhere... why did he have to be born with that limp and why was he so ugly... he looked 40 and in reality he is only 28... okay 29 then ... no more...
He was happy and very merry in the most infantile way after the conversation which was primarily regarding shifts and Rotas but the note in which it started... 'Rajaaaa... Hello, yes,... this is about the Rota...' it kind of knocked out the words from Raja... he was not that old after all... maybe the turmeric and rosemary paste is helping... What was said in the conversation he did not remember... he had approved of all that was asked and put the phone down in a haze...
He had looked at himself in the mirror and admired the unruly hair that hung about him, gave it a run with his fingers and posed like the bond! Bang! phooooh... he blew the imaginary smoke off the barrel of the imaginary pistol he had made with his index and middle finger... and gave a spin... God! what about tomorrow's shift?!!! Raja was not even sure if he was to go in tomorrow... he wished he would call back Nupur and try and speak about the shifts once again but thought otherwise... maybe this time she will call me 'Mr Chatterjee'... let it be let me bask in the short stint of glory and youth.
His thoughts were interrupted again... Nupur had just joined him on the table at the cafeteria she was with Sangitha Nair... a south Indian Brahmin very talkative and friendly in a good natured way...
'Morning Mr Chatterjee' Sangitha called out over the Vada mouthful...
Raja Hung onto his seat
Nupur was on a phone and was about to hang up ... 'Ok cahlo bye and take care... yes baba will speak soon' She hung up, sipped the steaming mug, turned...
'Good Morning MR CHATTERJEE'
The Sun was finally shining through the fog.
Monday, 12 January 2009
Heart has its reason which reason knows nothing of
I remember reading a book Wuthering Heights, a very famous one and the only one written by the author, Emily Jane Brontë, where the female protagonist chooses to marry one of her childhood acquaintance over her love Heathcliff. That, one can ditch love, and marry a person for his wealth and position, and then justify her action saying she wanted to bring Heathcliff out of his misery by helping him seemed too feeble a cause that warranted such a choice. I also ignored many of the dialogues the protagonist says to also show her love for Heathcliff. But today, having seen the world for a good many days more, I feel I must have had a wrong perception.
A person's action is defined by querying the action with where, when, how or even better still as a coordinate in the complicated plane of time and on many more such abstract dimentions. A simple fact that I have been writing this piece of essay in the lines of my present thoughts depends on so many different factors. To elaborate: let me talk about Mother Teresa, who chose to work for poor people in Kolkata and not in Albania, her place of Birth. It could be a more reason defying and a more heart-felt decision on her part and would have been a more plausable introduction to my discussion. To reason it out why I chose to write about Wuthering Heights and not about Mother Teressa, I can say plainly it was emotionaly induced, heart-felt decision which I cannot reason with now. It was a state of my mind where it seemed most logical to have started with the introduction I had started with.
Maybe, down the line, when I am a bit more wise, I would look back at my essay and realise that I lacked any reason why I started off the way I did. My wisdom and my state of mind will then determine whether I had been logical or just another person guided by my heart. And hence the saying Heart has its reason which reason knows nothing of.
A person's action is defined by querying the action with where, when, how or even better still as a coordinate in the complicated plane of time and on many more such abstract dimentions. A simple fact that I have been writing this piece of essay in the lines of my present thoughts depends on so many different factors. To elaborate: let me talk about Mother Teresa, who chose to work for poor people in Kolkata and not in Albania, her place of Birth. It could be a more reason defying and a more heart-felt decision on her part and would have been a more plausable introduction to my discussion. To reason it out why I chose to write about Wuthering Heights and not about Mother Teressa, I can say plainly it was emotionaly induced, heart-felt decision which I cannot reason with now. It was a state of my mind where it seemed most logical to have started with the introduction I had started with.
Maybe, down the line, when I am a bit more wise, I would look back at my essay and realise that I lacked any reason why I started off the way I did. My wisdom and my state of mind will then determine whether I had been logical or just another person guided by my heart. And hence the saying Heart has its reason which reason knows nothing of.
Sunday, 11 January 2009
Man proposes, God disposes
And God said, Let there be light: and there was light- Truly one of the most fascinating statement from the Bible. Hardly was such a saying ever said that makes one wonder the power God has.
Imagine you were God; you wish there was no summer but eternal spring and there is eternal spring, you wish for a snowfall and there would be snow, you wish for singing on the stage holding thousands spellbound and you could do it, you wish that Sundays extend well over 24 hours... now, i dont know what that would take to achieve... well it is just a story isn't it? Nevertheless, lets stick to more practical things: you would wish for a big room with a king size bed and a stereo player playing all the favourite tunes and voila! it was all there [:p], wish that your project lead stops being all too curious why you keep aloof and the next thing you know he is all too professional to even greet you... [:p].
But strange are the ways of God. He grants the simplest of half-wishes and sits back to watch the comedy of errors. For example,
1. He could grant your wish for a small favour you could extend to someone special (only half the wish). Then make sure that the favour is useless(the other half of the wish). You rejoice at your clever thinking and presence-of-mind only to be crestfallen later to learn about the disaster; a small spec of sand could ruin your wish!
Or better still:
2. Make you wait for a dreadful moment of truth/denial during a late night conversation and then leave you wondering at it, still clueless, but with a taste of vague certainty and that uncomfortable feeling of a lull before the storm. Humans are ever so imaginative, they turn facts into things the want to believe, they dont respond to clues but to hard facts!
Picking up on the thread of the topic again: when God has that choice God can make or break, the choice to be or not to be, the choice to give away or to take... I cannot but be wish for a favourable outcome, even when the chips are odd... For when a man proposes it is the God who disposes.
Imagine you were God; you wish there was no summer but eternal spring and there is eternal spring, you wish for a snowfall and there would be snow, you wish for singing on the stage holding thousands spellbound and you could do it, you wish that Sundays extend well over 24 hours... now, i dont know what that would take to achieve... well it is just a story isn't it? Nevertheless, lets stick to more practical things: you would wish for a big room with a king size bed and a stereo player playing all the favourite tunes and voila! it was all there [:p], wish that your project lead stops being all too curious why you keep aloof and the next thing you know he is all too professional to even greet you... [:p].
But strange are the ways of God. He grants the simplest of half-wishes and sits back to watch the comedy of errors. For example,
1. He could grant your wish for a small favour you could extend to someone special (only half the wish). Then make sure that the favour is useless(the other half of the wish). You rejoice at your clever thinking and presence-of-mind only to be crestfallen later to learn about the disaster; a small spec of sand could ruin your wish!
Or better still:
2. Make you wait for a dreadful moment of truth/denial during a late night conversation and then leave you wondering at it, still clueless, but with a taste of vague certainty and that uncomfortable feeling of a lull before the storm. Humans are ever so imaginative, they turn facts into things the want to believe, they dont respond to clues but to hard facts!
Picking up on the thread of the topic again: when God has that choice God can make or break, the choice to be or not to be, the choice to give away or to take... I cannot but be wish for a favourable outcome, even when the chips are odd... For when a man proposes it is the God who disposes.
Wednesday, 7 January 2009
Being Clueless...
My worst fears are realised. Obtrusive as I have been in my show of affection, it has yeided a very dispassionate response. It seems that I might have as well made a fool of myself for no reason. I have been careful to keep my cool and wane slowly away. As expected there were no concerned questions not a single hint of loss or uncertainty nor even a perception of this sudden loss of apathy, only pointless good mornings and customatory exchanges of greetings. I wonder where I might have gone wrong. I am truely clueless. If only someone had a clew to guide me into the unknown... However, I now have a clue to the discovery of the term clue... and I guess I will only have to be satisfied with this knowledge.
Discovery of the word Clue: (Clew)
"Since ancient Greek legends were passed down through oral tradition, many variations of the story of Minos and Theseus and other myths exist. According to one version of the legend, Minos attacked Athens after his son was killed there. The Athenians asked for terms, and were required to sacrifice seven young men and seven maidens every nine years to the Minotaur. One year, the sacrificial party included Theseus, a young man who volunteered to come and kill the Minotaur. Ariadne fell in love at first sight, and helped him by giving him a sword and a ball of red fleece thread that she was spinning, so that he could find his way out of the Minotaur's labyrinth." - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ariadne
Nb: I am still clueless 21:03 08-01-2009
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